I guess everyone asks these kinds of questions about their lives from time to time. Sometimes there is so much pressure to 'arrive.' that the journey of searching and learning seems like a lame excuse for not having a clue.
I just finished reading a little book called 'the freedom of self-forgetfulness' by Tim Keller. He talks about the image the apostle paul had of himself. How he didn't trust even his own judgements about himself, let alone the judgements of others (although I think it's our own judgements that are most often the most critical) He only had ears for what God would say about him. He didn't need to puff up his own ego with good works or feel the crushing pain of the criticism of others. He only listened to the unchanging words of the father 'my son, in whom I am well pleased.'
So i am learning to think less about what I think about myself, and what I think others think about me. And think only on what my Father thinks.
Maybe I am a 'bum' on a crazy journey lost in a sea of unanswered questions, but I am a loved 'bum' and that's all that counts... And He knows the plans he has for us for good and not for disaster.
So tonight we head south to Gaziantep on the Siran border. We are visiting a friend there and her church. Not sue exactly what's in store for us but lots more shows, visiting some schools and possibly a refuge camp. Just got to sit on a bus for 15 hours to get there!